I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
