When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
