OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
