i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
