Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
