remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
