ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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