i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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