the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
