I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
