yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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