He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
