its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
