Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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