Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
