I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
