My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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