Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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