Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
