don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize