I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
