Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
