don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize