I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
