I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
