yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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