Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The struggles of a small town man whore
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
