I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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