Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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