OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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