Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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