Sry I called you an 8
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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