Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
