I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
