He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
