Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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