I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
