Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
