I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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