It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
worst night to have a conscience
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
pray to the hookup gods
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
