Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
