he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
