3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
