We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
