I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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