you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
