i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
