I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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