just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
