Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
