I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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