just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
