he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
