Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
