Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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