8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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