I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
