I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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