it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
