i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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