I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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