she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
