your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
