Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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