Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize