felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
