Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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