I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
