My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize