So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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