2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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