ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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